Monday, May 2, 2011


"Our own suspicious minds all too easily succumb to delusions of persecution, the sense that those around us are out to get us." Grace Upon Grace by John Kleinig p.221

I have come to understand that yes, sometimes my perception is a bit off.  My husband really doesn't leave his bowl in the living room because he has no respect for me or anything I do around here.  And he may actually forget to take out the trash, not deliberately refuse to take out the trash so that my day will be filled with a stinky reminder that he does not care at all about how this house looks.   Just maybe, he does not live to utterly ruin my days.

Alright, so I can give him the benefit of the doubt.  When I look for it, I find abundant evidence that he does love me and our family, that he cares about who I am and what I do for us all, and that he does not wake up in the morning with the sole intention of making my life harder.

But what of the kids?

Do the kids intentionally make my life harder just for the fun of it?  Or am I just falling prey to the paranoia that sees every dirty dish as an insult?

So I submit to you, the jury, the evidence.  You must act as the objective voice of reason for me.  Are these kids out to get me or not?

For the purposes of this investigation, I am willing to set aside those things that may be understood as simply "children being children."  Like the constant toys on the floor  (booby traps- conveniently injuring adults and impeding their ability to run quickly after children), and the "innocent" messes (strategic diversions made to allow children to run free while mom cleans).

Exhibit A
The ever-buckled belts

 Belts already buckled are not ready for hungry babies.  Nor are they easy to unclasp with one hand while the other wields said fussy baby.  And yet, buckled my buckles are, at all times and in all places.

The Stealth Buckler of Belts, caught in the act.

Exhibit B
The exploded travel pillow

Let the jury note that this alleged accident occurred conveniently when the suspect was getting in bed for his nap.  Sources say he was hostile to the enforcer of the nap just moments before the alleged accident.
The nap-enforcer requests the jury to note the pain and suffering caused by the horrendous task of cleaning up all of those little styrofoam balls.  She is considering suing for damages to her back. 

Exhibit C
Misplaced diaper

Squishy pieces of diaper discovered in laundry load #4 of the day.
Nobody claims responsibility.

Exhibit D
Hidden Coffee

What kind of monster hides the essence of a mother's energy and stamina?

I request that the jury take these items into consideration.
More evidence forthcoming. 
Unless this plan, like so many others, is sabotaged.


  1. They are totally out to get you- and so are mine :D

    And hiding the coffee is just CRUEL and has sabotage written all over it !!!

  2. Yes- and the one who hid the coffee is only 2! I am in big trouble!

  3. Laughed to tears over "hidden coffee". I must be extra sleep deprived today!


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