Thursday, October 27, 2011

raising awareness: PTSSD

Post Traumatic Sock Sorting Disorder (PTSSD) is an under-diagnosed condition that affects millions of women every year.  


Causes:  Exposure to an excessive quantity of mismatched socks.  Studies show a direct relation between the frequency of exposure, the number of single socks, and the occurrence of PTSSD.
Early studies show a greater incidence of PTSSD in homemaking women with large families.  Generous grandparents may also contribute to this risk, though studies in this area are preliminary.

Symptoms: 
Affected persons may become confused, angry, despondent, and/or haunted by a pervasive feeling of restlessness.  

Some people exhibit sensitivity to other forms of disorder including but not limited to: tangled hair, sticky floors, non-food items in the fridge, food in the bathroom, frayed rugs, open cupboard doors, fingerprinted windows, crumbs not-swept, books not-shelved, trash not-taken-out, papers not-filed, jackets not-hung, toenails not-clipped, teeth not-brushed, shoes not-in-a-row, and so forth.

Asymmetrical, crooked, or mismatched objects may also elicit feelings of rage or horror.

CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if feelings of rage erupt into violent action.  
Notify your doctor as soon as possible if you or a loved one who has been exposed to excessive mismatched socks exhibits any of the following behaviors: refusal to speak unless using a sock-puppet, stomping through the house throwing all feet-related items into a garbage bag, attempting to convinced children that mismatched socks are cool, or compulsive lining-up of all things in pairs of two.

Prognosis
Talk-therapy and medication are minimally effective.  
Early studies indicate that a cathartic, sock-related experience may restore the brain to its normal state.  Professionals recommend destroying the sock-box via bonfire or other dramatic destructive ritual.

Prevention
Bag of socks Pictures, Images and PhotosDoctors recommend that individuals who have experienced a sock-related anger incident or have suffered from PTSSD in the past make every effort to avoid sock-related stress.  Socks should never be purchased for reasons of individual expression or outfit coordination, but judged solely on the warmth provided to the feet.  Any form of sock that disrupts the overall simplicity of the laundry routine should be banned from the home.


PTSSD sufferers are encouraged to avoid the fancy-sock section of the store completely, and buy exclusively those socks which come in a bag.

16 comments:

  1. I just had a flare-up of PTSSD last night, which was exacerbated by an 8-year-old who cares not about matching socks, and whom I suspect deliberately dons mismatched socks several times daily just to see her mother's eye twitch. Treatment has included refusal to pair up any and all socks belonging to the younger female members of the household, who enjoy storing socks, both clean and dirty, in toy boxes, between sheets, under the bed, and occasionally in pockets of backpacks. Said items are delivered to a sock basket, where they remain gleefully un-matched. An extension of today's treatment includes purging of an excessive horde of clothing items, not limited to socks,(WHERE DOES IT ALL COME FROM?!) and a mass exodus to the local thrift shop. Supposed relief of eye twitching to follow.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL LOL LOL

    This was the perfect good morning read! Thanks, Emily

    Rich

    ReplyDelete
  3. ROFL!!! Thanks for a great laugh. And where do all those missing socks go???? And I only have two children

    ReplyDelete
  4. Emily, Hysterical what a great topic and way to release tension...lughter is the true medicine

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tammy-
    I hope the eye twitching has resolved.

    If not,
    anecdotal evidence indicates a moderate amount of wine or other strong beverage can help release tension in all muscles...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I always knew I loved barefeet for a reason! It was an unconscious fear of PTSSD! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I Love it! I now have a name for my "disorder"!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Haha!! This is great! I found you because you replied to my "What's your best laugh-out-loud post" discussion. I always love a good laugh, and this is hysterical!

    I'm following you now, and I'm going to Stumble this post for you to hopefully bring you some traffic! Have a wonderful week!

    Smiles, Jenn @Misadventures in Motherhood

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ha! Wonderful stuff. I too have the dreaded disorder.

    Great blog!

    http://blissjunction.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you. I have found someone who hates sorting and matching the socks as much as I. I cannot tell you how many times I have wished I had the financial freedom to simply throw the socks away after one use... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JJ, I secretly rejoice when a sock accidentally gets mowed. :)

      Delete
  11. I have a bin full of mis-matched socks that I don't want to throw away in case their mates show up someday. I've gotten to the point though, that except for dressy occasions, I just don't care if their socks match as long as they're the same color!

    ReplyDelete
  12. These ppl are ROFL-ing, while some of us are seriously suffering. My best idea for relief has been to move to Hawaii and not a one of us will ever need a pair of socks again!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahaha... Take that, socks. Yeah... Take that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right!? The inhumanity of the laughing!!! And Hawaii is a GREAT idea. Better than a sock bonfire, even.

      Delete

Web Analytics