Monday, November 14, 2011

never-agains

It doesn’t happen often anymore, but I did it last week:
I picked up a sleeping baby.

I was tired, and there were still a thousand things on my list, but I quit.  The complaints of things left undone in my home were drowned out by my own loud thoughts: children growing, milestones whizzing by, lightning quick changes all around me.

My snoring baby didn’t need me.  I picked him up anyway, and we rocked while he snored.

Birth pains are nothing compared to growth pains.

Oh God, these children!  They bloom, just as they should; they grow, just as You will.  How can something so wonderful be so sad?  Tonight I feel so heavily the ache of the never-agains.  

I know, God, I know you are changing me.  I know the ache of the never-again will melt into a gratitude for having had at all.  I am only dragging my feet as you lead me towards peace.
 

It will happen.  But right now, I sit heavy with memories, and I linger in the rocking chair.

3 comments:

  1. As a parent, I was aware of it, but it still slipped away. Now as a grandparent with 17, 16, 15, 6, 2 years old, 2,300 miles away, we are even more acutely aware of “never-agains” and most often, “not-evers.”

    Thanks for the glimpse. And hold them once again...

    Rich

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  2. oh my, the never-agains are heavy enough... but not-evers...that's another lesson indeed.

    I wonder whether our joyful reunion in heaven will contain something like those moments we missed down here...

    Can't help but hope!

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