I'm sorry, I really can't sort that out for you.
You might want to start here:
Is it depression? Take this quiz from the Mayo Clinic. It may help you decide whether or not you should see a doctor.
As terrifying as it may seem, I encourage you to say it out loud to someone.
"I think I might be struggling with depression."
Just say it.
Your own feelings may be fickle, but the foundation of love and grace that upholds your life in Jesus will not change. Hold on to the Rock. And may those who love you surround you with unconditional love like His.
It will not always be this way.
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Read more of my thoughts on depression HERE.