Wednesday, July 25, 2012

anxiety in the car

When we drive, I sit at attention. I try not to worry but I do worry, especially when the road is narrow and the drop off is steep. I listen to music and look up at the trees passing by and I don’t actively think of tragedy, but sometimes it comes in flashes. It comes uninvited. The image of the far slipping off the road, rolling down the hill; broken glass and blood and could I even reach my cell phone? 

The images come and go, and there are so many of them, and they are full color like my television.
I stand guard, and I bat away the images and replace them with what I actually see in front of me: sunshine and beautiful trees and a husband who is a capable driver. But danger is also real, and it harasses me with that fact when I try to deny it.

One day, I got tired of the fight.
I reclined my seat, all the way back, I took out my pony tail, and I laid down. I laid myself down in the car as it barreled along on a narrow strip with a cliff to eternity on all sides. I closed my eyes. I felt sun on my face, a gentle breeze from the air conditioning. I could see nothing but color behind my eyelids, red, then black, then red, as we drove under the trees.

The miles whooshed by, and I laid there in the sun, not entirely safe, but not in danger, either.


I shall lie down and sleep in peace, 
for you alone, 
O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8


Do you ever feel like you are standing on the edge of eternity?

6 comments:

  1. Here I thought I was the only one who worried each time I got in the car....

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  2. Hey sweetie, I'm giving you the sunshine blog award. http://todaywiththetennerys.blogspot.com/2012/07/awww-sunshine-blog-award-for-me.html And I'm reading your book now.

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    Replies
    1. Tricia, thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the book!

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  3. After my car accident I became a nervous wreck every time I had to get in the car. I felt out of control and freaked out if I wasn't driving, yet I could hardly bare to join the traffic or cross an intersection without balking from fear when I was at the wheel. Thankfully I am much better now after many years of facing my fear. I love your blog, it calms and comforts me so much that I have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. You can link back to collect it here http://innerangelsandenemies.wordpress.com/2012/07/26/very-inspiring-blogger-award-thanks-so-much/
    Blessings to you!

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