Thursday, September 6, 2012

Walking through the fire: Do not attempt alone.

My knees get queasy when I see this hallway.

This hallway leads to the epilepsy testing center at Cleveland Clinic. I walked down this hallway with baby Eldon on my hip, and aching worry for Aggie in my heart, not sure if my knees could stand through the days or weeks of trial ahead of us. Would we find answers? Would we have to let them drill into her skull? Would we hear the awful words, "We don't know what's wrong with her- there's nothing more we can do?"

Oh, those Aggie eyes. She was so tired after her battle over the EEG leads.

But she clung tight to her teddy bear blanket and forced a smile, and I forced one back.

Forced cheer, that was all I had to offer. Forced smiles, forced hope, forced walking down that hallway to meet the next thing. Forced faith.

I was weary, and there was little left in me that could be forced out.
And yet, I was helped.
God cared for me, 
His hands through others.

I knew I needed, but I didn't know what.
I didn't know how others could help me through, or even if they could.
I didn't ask.
I didn't know how to ask.

This is how I would have asked had I known how to do so.....

walkingafriendthroughthefireRead my guest post at NotConsumed: Walking a Friend Through A Child's Major Illness- and check out the whole Walking a Friend Through series while you are there!

How have you been helped through hard times as a mother?
What ideas would you add to my list?


  1. Our daughter was tested for epilepsy when she was 16 mo. old b/c she had a ninety minute seizure. She had another one about 6 mo. later. She was never diagnosed w/ epil. but was put on phenobarb for 6 years. She never had another seizure. Today, she's doing great. Got a degree in chemistry and is a teacher. Through that early ordeal, I learned that my kids do not belong to me...they are on loan, but really belong to God. He is in charge, ALWAYS, and He is also GOOD. Always.

    1. Wow, 90 minute seizure, how terrifying. I am so glad to hear that she is seizure free now.... and I rejoice with you in God's goodness. They are on loan, and they are blessings... and He is good in sickness and in health.

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. There's a certain hallway at our hospital that holds strange memories for me too, from that afternoon our son was brought to the ER after he had his first major seizure.

    But, as if divinely placed, there is a statue of Mary just outside the window of that hallway (it's a Catholic hospital) that comforted me tremendously on that horrible afternoon. And when I suddenly caught sight of it that day staring at me through the window, my heart immediately calmed down, as if God sent me a message, "I am here, present, and in control of everything. Trust in me."

    And each time I've walked down that hallway (a few times since) that statue brings me that same memorable message.

    1. That is a great story. There is a chapel at our children's hospital that make me feel that way- I am pretty sure God had it built there just for me ;)

      So glad He sends those reminders when we need them!

  3. I read the full post on Kim's blog- God bless- love that you are willing to share - thank you!


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