I don't know if it's the busyness of the season, or just a season for me personally, but my eyes are having trouble staying open to grace lately. I'm finding myself overwhelmed, stressed, and resentful far too often.
I've been writing less. I would I could honestly say I've been listening more, but that is not necessarily true. I've just been doing more, doing other things. And napping. That's important too, of course.
One day, I was napping, and someone somewhere was too loud, so I got up to rebuke. I tiptoed in the living room (so as not to wake daddy and the younger two), hissing rebuke on my lips... "WHO is making that noise?" wide-eyed Lorraine and Marcus met me, quickly telling me it must be Aggie making a tent in the basement.
But my hissing melted away before I had completed that sentence. For they were in dress up clothes: Lorraine and Marcus. Lorraine, in a flowing vintage dress, and Marcus, in his best suit, too small, but still adorable. He called it his "Batman suit" when he wore it last Easter, and he refuses to hand it down. "We're putting on a play," they said, when they noticed me noticing, noticed my hiss turned to silly grin.
After they promised to show me the play later, I went back to bed. Our bedroom was warm from the electric heater and it smelled like the Yankee Christmas candle burning.
Daddy, asleep, and two little boys on the floor, finally asleep after too much tossing and turning. So much warmth in that room. I lay down under the warmth, without covers. I thought of the boy in his suit, the shining grace of that one moment: brother and sister, playing, creating, imagining, and the grace that opened my eyes and allowed me to see them as more than just noise, nap-interrupters.
Oh Lord, open my eyes,
that they may behold your goodness in this place,
in the waiting,
and in Jesus, come to be with us.
Grant me the faith to know that the world will not stop if I do,
that it is OK to nap,
that it will be OK even if it doesn't all get done,
and that I am your dear child, welcomed into Your rest,
because of Your great mercy